Buy Yours Today!!!

This picture really speaks for itself. I wrestled with even writing anything after it, but I just couldn't refuse. Here are some thoughts: Can I get an Amen!!! or Hallelujah!!!! ? I don't know about you, but I am so thrilled that I am alive just in time to actually find out the secret message of Jesus. I feel so sorry for all those fools throughout history (including the Church fathers) for having believed something that was wrong. I do know that I need to take another trip up to the northeast of the US of A. There must be something especially divine in the water up there. Apparently, it is only up there where God speaks to certain men in order to clarify and give the correct gospel. Right, Joseph Smith? That's why everyone needs to go out and buy one of these decoder rings in order to truly understand what Jesus was trying to teach us. I'm thinking the movie National Treasure is a better depiction of the gospel than The Passion. Forget all that baloney about "justification by grace through faith, the free gift of salvation, Christ being a substitutionary sacrifice for…sin” (p. 91) Don't you know that God just wants us to save the planet? Cheers, Al! I mean, it's not as if God is sovereign or anything. So next time you want to be truly spiritual, drop the whole "sin and salvation" act in your witnessing and just carry your own bag to the grocery store. No need to waste paper or pollute with plastic! I'm a history buff so this little fact just lit my fire. I never knew the Romans were such polluters of the earth. I mean, why else would they have killed the disciples and early Christians? They were just trying to make the empire sparkle just that much more! Hear that, Nero? I guess we should also ignore the Second Law of Thermodynamics. What universe running out of energy? Isn't this whole thing eternal? What's that, Bertrand Russell?

As you contemplate your new spiritual journey and living out the true gospel according to McLaren (oops, I mean Jesus), you might wonder whose example you should follow. Peter? Nah. Paul? Nope. John the Beloved? Not quite. You should probably look at these cats...Desmond Tutu, Mother Teresa, Gandhi, and Nelson Mandela (p. 78, 125, 169). I know where I'm headed. Drop that ring and Bible and just head to the bookstore for a good biography! By the way, when you are in heaven sitting at the table feast with God, just remember to pat Muhammed, Krishna, Buddha, and all their fellow followers. According to our "Secret Agent Man", they will be there too...as long as they recycled and dropped a few coins in the poor box. Have you ever heard Aristotle's definition of "nothing"...what rocks dream about? I have another shout out to all those "dreamers" among us...excuse me MLK...do you know what God dreams about? Apparently, an earth where he can feel at home. He must have been feeling like the prodigal son for all of these years being outside of time and space without the world he created. Do you think THAT could be the secret message of the Prodigal Son? Let me check my ring!!! Apparently Tolkien was on to something there with that whole "Ring" thing. Perhaps Yahweh feels at home on that kind of earth because he used to be a man on another planet earth? Oh, excuse me Joseph Smith, we seem to have bumped into each other again.

So go get your decoder ring and find out all the secret messages that everyone throughout the centuries has gotten wrong and start living that missional life. Oh, and by the way, make sure you check your brain at the door before you drink the Kool-Aid!